52 Weeks of Gratitude :Week 1

Hello everybody!

I have been issued a challenge! One that a very inspired friend of mine, Erin (also a fellow blogger) issued to me. She did this in the inspired hopes that I won't neglect my brain child (aka my blog) for months at a time anymore.

So here it is! The 52 weeks of Gratitude Challenge.

Week One: Why start this challenge? 

I really want to say "she told me to", but truthfully the answer is really not that simple.

I recently had an experience where the advice was given to me to look for the blessings in my life hourly. This task seemed nearly impossible, as I was struggling with some serious stress and hormone induced female hysteria didn't help in my favor being added to the mix. 

How could the solution be that simple, yet seem like such a colossal requirement? When life gives you more lemons than you can reasonably make lemonade with, how can you find the small, clear grain of sugar that can make them more bearable?

Truthfully trying to think about something hourly wasn't realistic in my mind. Working where I do it gets busy and it can get busy fast, so there would be times where I would look at the clock and three hours had gone by and I had not thought of one thing I was grateful for. But I learned one very important thing pretty quickly. It's not a case of quantity vs. quality, it is a matter of habit forming. 

I realized that this advice was more than just some fluff or chore. This task of looking for the things you're grateful for, even when there are seemingly none, is actually a good way to help build habits to look for the one positive thing in that moment. And positivity (as irrational as it may seem at the time) will make all the difference in how you handle it. 

Wallowing in negativity and self-pessimism is not an option for me. That's not how this gal rolls.

Besides where does it honestly get you?

Searching for things can start off so basic, quickly working up to more complex things that require deeper thinking. Before I knew it I was grateful even for my trials. Those hard things that even in the moment of wanting to pull my hair out and drown myself with tears in my pillow- there I was trying to think about the possible blessings that I would receive from that moment, even if I was looking ahead to the longer term end game. What skills or lessons I was learning in that moment What beautiful new insights was I learning in my human existence?

It turns out all the sugar is found at the bottom of that pile of lemons. It may be a struggle to sift through and find them, sometimes it takes forever for us to even see them, but I promise that they are there, and there is more than enough to make your lemons just sweet enough. Even if it is barely helping. The truth is that sometimes lemonade is more bitter for others. But I find I prefer the bitter. Because harder trials force us to face our limitations and push past them, growing ourselves in the process.

Despite these happenings and revelations I had, I managed to drop the practice pretty quickly of finding my gratitude. And now I recently am finding myself standing on the edge of that slippery slope, which spirals down that same emotional roller coaster that triggered this whole thing for me. And getting back into this practice is definitely something I should be doing. It pulled me out of it the first time when circumstances were far worse than they are now.

So my friend's challenge to me was more inspired than I think she realized at the time. She was hoping to help me find my blog's soul. Little did she know it was also helping my own and I am grateful to her for that. ;)

The Band-Aid Kid

I was born in '91, and as such was the product of the  rule about playing outdoors. I wouldn't necessarily consider myself as an out-doorsy type person, but it is sad to see that many kids these days don't adventure into the imaginative wild backyard adventures like we used to.

I can say that as a kid back then that I fully appreciate getting booted outdoors to play, especially when I attempted to watch TV on a Saturday; but I am grateful now that I had that.



I didn't like playing outside a lot as I am a particular sort of klutz, and by particular I really mean I  I was the biggest klutz around (true story)!

I would always fly around the corner and ricochet off of the open folding closet door. I would run into things a lot, and the only possible explanation has to do with skewed depth perception. Or simply a lack of spatial awareness. Or both.



I was constantly getting slivers and blisters upon my blisters (literally) from monkey-bars and old playground equipment.



As such I always had a plethora of band-aids on the go and at the ready in my backpack.



I recall one time I fell off my bike (I think I was 11 or so) right in front of this elderly man's house. He see's me fall, and stands up to come see if I need any help. He reaches me and asks "Hey kiddo, are you alright?". I just look up at him as I pull a bandaid out of my backpack, slap it on my knee, and say "Yup, all good!". I sprang back onto my bike and rode the rest of the way to school.
He was nice. But I was also prepared (knowing how I can be).

Which leads me to Sunday...



I DID THE STUPIDEST THING I COULD HAVE POSSIBLY EVER DONE!!!
I tried to open a ring package with an X-ACTO KNIFE.



Long story short it wasn't worth it. All I could do while running to the bathroom (after inevitably hurting myself), was smack my forehead, call myself stupid and go for the band aids.



Yup. Twenty- five years of living, and I am still 'the band aid kid'.
Dumbest thing I've done in my twenty-fifth year of life so far.



Of course my family teased me endlessly, and I could only join in. What was the point in agonizing over it?
So now I am banned from X-Acto knives, and my poor thumb is protesting at its mistreatment.

Needless to say I decided the ring wasn't worth it. So I gave it to my sister (who was more than happy to take it off my hands) and I could only lamely say "Hey I bled over this for you."



Ha ha, oh well lesson learned. I won't buy rings from that store anymore...
;P

New Year's Eve- Eve-Eve!

Hello everyone!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! The next exciting holiday, the new year, is almost here!
I was just thinking about this and realized, I'm not even sure what my New years resolutions for this year were! I know I wrote them down and there were a fair few, but I don't have any clue where I possibly put them... I even looked in my journal, to no avail. You would think that would be a good place to put it right?

Ha ha, maybe that should be one of my goals this year, write in your journal more!

I can, however, recall that I wanted to learn something new, get more organized (especially concerning my room), improve myself, and to learn how to paint.

I am happy to say that I made some headway with those goals! I took a bunch of online art classes, which were fun and instructive. I also took a few other random classes online for continuing education. I have been in the midst of a huge purging, cleaning, and reorganizing party. I feel like if I call it a party it will be more fun... right?

Oh, I do believe getting more fit was in there too! As it happens I've been getting some assistance with that in the past month... Which I stand by the theory of better late than never! I've also been on weight watchers! I have lost a total of 7 pounds which is pretty exciting stuff!

It's been an eventful year, and every year has it's ups and downs, but I can only recall more good times than bad this year! Which is great! I must be doing something right for my goal of improvement!
I am sure there are some items on that list that I never achieved, but I don't remember what they were either. But I've been working on looking at things more positively, so the glass is half full.  Any accomplishments, big or small, have to start somewhere. If you've made even a foot of progress in any of your goals then that's a very good first step! And if you have been too busy, hey that's totally fair! Life happens, and you have a life! So how did you do this year?

There are only a few more days left until the new year comes calling. I personally am looking forwards to November 2016, which is when a certain someone returns home from his mission! BUT in the mean time, I will be sure to keep working on whatever goals I set for myself, whether they are a continuation, or completely new resolutions from this year. If there is one thing I have learned this year it is that having a goal to strive towards makes all the difference in how you approach each day. And that can be anything from a physical goal, to something more personal like improving yourself in a trait/ area you are unhappy with.

But until then, stay safe and have a good New years Eve in a few days! Now would be the time for that last minute scrambling to get your resolutions from this year done. But only if you care that much to scramble. I personally believe just re-committing yourself to old goals that never happened is a great place to start. That's what I did for years. Literally. I believe that if you have the intent to do good, then the drive will follow, sometimes from your unhappiness in lack of progress, but all change has some measure of good. They may not be noticeable, but they will be there. Even if terrible things happen, our character and how we improve through these trials are the good that will come out of them. I've been there, struggling in/ with that sorrow, and I know many people who are there still. There will be a comforting light at the end of the tunnel. It may not happen right away, but who you become from those trials is what matters the most.  Each and every day is a gift to improve yourself. You just have to make the choice to do so.

Not every day will be perfect, and often the things that anger us or peeve us, are things that we honestly need to change about ourselves. I used to be terrified of change, and for that I only lived in loneliness, fear, and a whole lot of self- doubt. But as I have made changes, and been open to other changes outside of my control, I have been blessed with a stronger personality with which to deal with trials and whatever comes my way. And I certainly wouldn't have been able to do any of these things without my savior, Jesus Christ.

Lets everyone make a goal to be a little more kind to others this year. The world is an ever increasingly dark place with lots of very real physical and spiritual dangers. If we can show each other Christ's love for us, by being kinder to one another the world will be that much brighter. Lets not be quick to get angry, but rather quick to forgive.
Good Luck!

The fun of cheap!

Okay so lately my very "indie" friends have been slowly converting me to their ways. It is so hard to fight trends and be yourself, in an ever growingly facetious world. And I mean that with the utmost respect. 

It's true though, people are on a steadily growing trend of trying to be others. Whether it's celebrities, or people they know. Heck, even supermodels can't be themselves. I have learned through a second hand experience hearing accounts vicariously of someone whose daughter was in that industry. They can't eat what they want, and even when they look the way they want to, editing is still done to "touch up" their photos. 

But us commoners, who can't live that life of luxury and catering to beauty have no other choice than to follow the crowd, and buy what is trending.

So what does that have to do with my indie friends? Well they are a brother, his wife, and his sister ; and what started as a love for "different" and "original" music turned into the birth of their very "Indie" and loveable  personalities and way of life.

I have known them since we three were 9, 11, and 14. They are my family as much as they are friends and I love all three of them as such.

I have watched this transition of their indie lifestyle over the years. It started with the small differences; such as their taste in music, then how they dressed, but most importantly their self sustaining happiness.

It's not that indie is a way of life or a way of "the universe". I read today somewhere that "the Indie style isn't so much about skinny jeans as it is about being eco friendly, self sufficient, and learning to be comfortable in your own skin". 

This is totally true, they have a unique style all their own and they own themselves in a way that I am inspired to learn. I am between them in age and they are all role models to me. I want to have that laid back happiness that they have of being happy and most importantly their frugal charm. 

I am quite new to their ways, but they have slowly won me over to loving their style in music, fashion, and dare I say it (again) their easy happiness.

It is rather charming. 

So I hit up Pinterest and find a ton of stuff. Channeling the inspiration of that "Indie" and eco friendly  frame of mind; I needed up in a super inspiring area of Pinterest.

Re-purposing your own clothes! 

How AWESOME would it be to be your fashion designer?! I always seem to be behind trends' seasons and want what is no longer the new in fashion. But I like what I like ( which is another thing that Indie's are about) and it's never available. But Pinterest had a ton of stuff on how to make both from scratch and from scraps, those very things! 

Why spend between $20- $100 on things I can do for free?  I am admittedly really bad at over spending, so it is time to follow some easy-as-pie Pinterest tutorials, hit up the thrift stores and do it myself. 

I may be new to the indie style/ mind frame but I am excited to finally embrace my inner creativity in a whole new way that will be rewarding. And hopefully learn a thing or two on the way. 

Don't be afraid to be yourself, there is no one else better to be, and if you happen to love trends then good for you. Do whatever makes you happy. 

Besides do you have any idea how hard it is for Mormon girls to find modest and cute clothes now of days. 

It's time to blow off the dust from my sewing machine! 

And being a shorty in this tall-person world, I already know how to hem my own pants, so I'd say I have a fighting chance. 

;) 

Remodeling extravaganza!

Growing up as a kid we usually had some sort of remodeling project going on. I always found it exciting! I loved the idea of new! I still do! 

And I'm keeping that interest alive by remodeling my blog! 

It is going to include pages that relate my many diverse interests and hobbies. I have been secretly working on my blog and reading up on how to make it better. 

I even bought a book. It's actually been very useful! 

So I'm hoping this will help me make my blog better. 

Upcoming update: there will be multiple pages (possibly more interesting than my blog home page) that express some of my interests! 

These pages will not be posted until there is some actual subject matter to them. Who wants blank pages floating around? 

So look for these exciting changes coming soon! 

In the mean time I'm even thinking of giving the blog a new name! 

I am open to suggestions, but I am going to keep it a secret until I decide! I feel like my current title is very impersonal, generalized, and all around sort of blassé. 

Thanks for reading this update! I haven't forgotten about the blog! 

And hey, thanks for taking an interest in what one voice out of billions in the world, has to say. :) 

The Art of Breathing.

What is your reaction when your mother asks you something outrageous? Do you find out that you need to do something, like let's say, learn how to breathe? 

That was me. 

So near the end of the year in 2011 my cousin from Germany was coming to stay with us... so we drove off into the foggy sunrise  one morning to pick her up at the airport 2 hours away. After driving about an hour we reached a small town to get some gas.

As my dad stepped out of the car to fill up, my mother pulled down her visor and began to apply some Lancome Lip Gloss. After turning her head this way and that to see how the light hit the sparkling pink of her lips, she smacked them together and then turned around to face me in her seat.

My senses immediately went on high alert. I LOVE my mother, don't get me wrong, but she has a very unique skill to say some of the most outrageous things one has ever heard. 

I had been pretty tired up until then and as soon as she got 'that look' on her face the sleepy fog clouding my brain immediately cleared up. I repeated a mantra in my head of ' Be prepared' and 'What is she going to say?!' Then out of her mouth comes this: 
"Do you like my lip gloss? Are you jealous?" 

I frowned in response and let my guard down... that was not at ALL what I had been expecting her to say... and I don't even know what I had been expecting either. 

"Oh yeah mom, it's awesome. Love it, so jealous." Was the nonchalant reply.

But I noticed her following smirk too late.

" Jessica... would you kiss these lips?" She gave me a mock-sultry look thrown over her shoulder and my eyes widened in shock. 

Had she REALLY just asked me that?! It only took one second to realize that she not only had, but was now awaiting a response. 

So I panicked and scrambled to search my brain for something that was both a really good retort and not offensive at the same time. 

For example, pretending to gag wouldn't be very nice.

So I did the only thing any respectable twenty year old would do. I opened my mouth and prayed that whatever came out of my mouth would not only be witty, but nice as well.
I had no such luck. 
With her expectant look and all of this happening within seconds. 

I opened my mouth, breathed... and began to choke on nothing but air. 
My mom momentarily looked flabberghasted as both my little sisters began to howl with laughter in their seats behind me. 

But what they didn't realize right away, was that I was actually chocking on my own spit and couldn't breathe! 

She looked at my dad who was just paying for the gas and then back at me as I finally stopped gagging and was now dramatically gasping wildly for air. Laughing and trying to breathe at the same time certainly didn't help! 

With my sisters still in hysterics and my mom trying not to laugh herself, she gave me a pointed look.

" The CORRECT response, Jessica, would have been: If you were a boy you'd kiss those lips." Now openly laughing at the irony of the entire situation, I managed in between giggles, "You wouldn't have asked me that if I was a boy!" 

After another full two minutes of dying down giggles my dad finally re-entered the car that had become now dead silent. 

His spider senses tingled as he quirked an eyebrow and turned to look at the four of us and demanded to know what happened.

 My little sisters both immediately launched into the tale at the same time, whilst trying to re-enact the whole thing making the laughter start right back up! 

Upon hearing the story, my dad gave me a humorous look and I tried to explain that it was simply all irony and complete chance that I had started choking on nothing... at that exact moment.

And that, dear friends, is the only time that it is EVER appropriate to choke and gag on nothing in response to a question someone asks you... and even then it cannot be guaranteed where and when the random choking-on-nothing will ever strike next. My only advice...
Learn how to breathe. 
Seriously... put it on your checklist of things to do! 

The phone was ringing! Wasn't it...?

It was a pleasant spring day, after school when I was in high school. I was sitting enjoying some time listening to my mother in the kitchen making supper as I was doing my howmework. 

There was only the sound of the sizzling pot full of food and the delicious aromas of said food wafting over the counter, which was the only barrier between my mother in the kitchen and myself who was sitting in the dinning room table.

There was peace. There was calm. There was suddenly...

"GET THE PHONE NOW!!!!" 

... my mother screaming at me from six feet away. 

Adrenaline immediately coursed through my body as I threw aside the chair that was in my way. It ricocheted off my shins making me tumble over it, and fall to he floor. I scrambled up and over it and threw myself at the counter directly in front of her, then lunged for the phone knocking it over and then shakily managing to grab a hold of it and then lifted it up to her face. 

It had been standing upright, innocently, not even a foot away from her. 
I stared at her in frantic alarm holding the phone out and she stood there blinking in confusion, right before bursting into a bout of hysterical laughter! 

All I could make out in between her chortles were that she had thought she heard the phone ringing. At the time all the kids had a really bad habit for leaving the phone up to mom when it rang, whether she was busy or not. 

So she thought she'd heard the phone and no one was getting it. So naturally that justifies her shrieking at me from five feet away, to hand her something that was right in front of her the whole time.

But still... the sudden change going from quiet to sudden angry bellowing echoing off the windows and kitchen walls... I'll have you know... that scared the CRAP out of me!!! Luckily we get along and to this day we still laugh in stitches about it. ;)
Mom... you're the best! All of my favorite memories revolve around you... <3